What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 02:30
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
What are the defining characteristics of woke liberals and conservatives in the United States?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He knew the spot.
Sega Throws Shade At Mario Kart While Showing Off Sonic Racing: Crossworlds - Kotaku
Would this be the day?
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i lived it daily.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thin, Light and Built to Last: The New Era of the Galaxy Z Series - Samsung Newsroom
I couldn’t, believe it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Michaels buys Joann brand, plans to expand crafting supply to meet demand - ABC News
I don,t even have a pension.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Live Updates From Apple WWDC 2025 🔴 - Gizmodo
She married twice! .
She found it foreign!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot live in the past .
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is soul school!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was seconnd youngest,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
All the time i was locked up.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I said to her
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I write beautiful poetry .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im still living with it.
So whats the point in blame.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But ive been too sick for many years..
What did i know ?
We all went to grammer schools
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was very sick at this time too.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .